I am not quite a woman. However, I am not exactly a man. Oh sure, I have male anatomy but is that all we are now, genitals? I am not confused about who I am, I know who I am, I am a mixed-gender person. But, in a relationship...well, this is where things get hard to define.
For instance, will a man expect me to be either male or female but not mixed-gendered? I mean for intimacy purposes? How do I explain that I am like fluid and sometimes I'll be one role but usually prefer the more feminine role. Because of this will it be expected I clean and do dishes? Not get buff, shave my body hair (not a fan anyway), be...what do you want me to be again?
Then there's women. Women are beautiful and when I think about women it is usually to compare myself to them. How do I measure up? However, this is not strictly the case. I would marry a woman again, only this time she would have to be really comfortable playing a more..."male role" in the bedroom, I think we can all figure out what that means.
I am just being honest here. No need to be coy now, right? That's what this is about, honest conversations. I think my real internal controversy is over whether or not a partner for me exists? They would have to be mixed-gendered like me and just as explorative and open and fluid and...beautiful, beautifully unique.
Is there a man who is confident enough to let me wear a dress and heels while not feeling emasculated. Is there a woman who is confident enough to love me in public, wearing whatever in the hell I want, and at the same time bending her own gender roles?
I don't know. I pray to God every night to send me a lover. Maybe that's why none have shown up, He doesn't know what to send? I wish I could help him out and narrow it down to a singular gender, at least, instead I just keep giving Him qualities.
"God, please find me a partner, I can't do it from in here without You. I need someone who is driven, happy, adventurous, nonjudgmental, willing to try and love the world, encouraging, and most of all willing to try. Amen"
With Love
Jeff "Jeffebelle" Utnage
www.lgbtqprisonsupport.com
For instance, will a man expect me to be either male or female but not mixed-gendered? I mean for intimacy purposes? How do I explain that I am like fluid and sometimes I'll be one role but usually prefer the more feminine role. Because of this will it be expected I clean and do dishes? Not get buff, shave my body hair (not a fan anyway), be...what do you want me to be again?
Then there's women. Women are beautiful and when I think about women it is usually to compare myself to them. How do I measure up? However, this is not strictly the case. I would marry a woman again, only this time she would have to be really comfortable playing a more..."male role" in the bedroom, I think we can all figure out what that means.
I am just being honest here. No need to be coy now, right? That's what this is about, honest conversations. I think my real internal controversy is over whether or not a partner for me exists? They would have to be mixed-gendered like me and just as explorative and open and fluid and...beautiful, beautifully unique.
Is there a man who is confident enough to let me wear a dress and heels while not feeling emasculated. Is there a woman who is confident enough to love me in public, wearing whatever in the hell I want, and at the same time bending her own gender roles?
I don't know. I pray to God every night to send me a lover. Maybe that's why none have shown up, He doesn't know what to send? I wish I could help him out and narrow it down to a singular gender, at least, instead I just keep giving Him qualities.
"God, please find me a partner, I can't do it from in here without You. I need someone who is driven, happy, adventurous, nonjudgmental, willing to try and love the world, encouraging, and most of all willing to try. Amen"
With Love
Jeff "Jeffebelle" Utnage
www.lgbtqprisonsupport.com
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