Guys get at me all the time in here. Which does not say much because male prisoners will pitch woo to a latex glove if no one was looking. However, here we are with some smooth talking criminals with all the right looks. You have some choices to make in this place...
In prison, sexual contact is strictly prohibited, homosexuality is illegal. It is illegal because there is a punishment for it. As a result I have been very strict on my own urges. I have become very good at "friend zoning" people.
I learned something about myself long ago. I can compartmentalize people very well. Once I have "friend zoned" someone they don't come out of it, period. Like when a guy is introduced to me as straight, I immediately switch mental gears with him and sex with him doesn't even enter my mind. I become much more focused on how we can benefit one another. Just the way my mind works.
The problem is, I have put every guy within arms reach into my "friend zone" which leaves me continuously seeking a partner. I want to fill that void that is left.
I do not like that drive inside of me that is trying to find my own "Javier" (For anyone who has seen TNT's 'Good Behavior', Javier is a very sexy protagonist on the show, I want one!!!). I guess for prison this is good for being law abiding, but I don't know how to flirt, date or even pursue a guy. The most recent experience I have is telling an angry little man that I won't move in with him. Every time this guy sees me he talks about using shampoo bottles and cucumbers...all I can think about is this angry man angrily sticking things where the sun don't shine and now he wants me to do that?? Ewww!!!! Please tell me this is not gay culture because if it is, maybe I'm suppose to be celibate? Which would suck.
I only have 58 months left in prison then I get parole. It would sure be nice to get some practice talking to other gay guys that aren't in prison.
With Love
Jeff Utnage
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