5-31-2016

Getting Back On Track: Have You Ever Derailed?
I would like to think that all of us have gotten off track at some point. At one point in my life these moments would have led to unhealthy actions, not just anxiety and depression. I am so glad that God has given me the strength to deal with myself. I put myself in a real bind sometimes.
However unintended. I try to stay positive and motivated, but its not always possible. That's just life I guess. We have a wide range of emotions and all of them get used eventually. 
Recently I got off track, laying in bed to long, being depressed etc. Life got tough and it felt like I didn't have a friend in the entire world. At night I would cry and cry and by day I was a walking zombie. Just stumbling through the motions terribly. I switched jobs from one of responsibility to one of mundane idleness which I now slightly regret. In essence, I had a rough patch, and that's life. But, I am not entirely dissatisfied with myself. As I said before, there was a time when this kind of derailment would have landed me in a much worse position. Leading to drugs, or worse. Yeah, there is much worse.
Its time to give credit where credit is due. I am here, healthy and ready to come out of this depression. I am ready to face the world outside. I know I have experienced growth in prison and have changed for the better because of how I handled myself during this latest depression. I reached out to a support system that God provided and instead of being super angry at myself for needing help, I just asked for it. Why? Because I needed it, as a man, a human being I don't have everything figured out and need people. I need you.
Sometimes I have been this support for others and recently, I needed it. That's what its there for, right? 
I just want to encourage anyone out there. Don't be judgemental on yourself because you need help emotionally. We all do. The ones who walk around and accuse you of being dramatic because you require more help, they need help too. They are just being stubborn. So your a little off course right now, maybe your secretly doing drugs, or hooking to get by, or stealing money from loved ones or just flat out spiraling downward. Maybe you've done much worse, maybe not so much. Maybe you have just thought about suicide. Asking for help is okay! Saying "I don't know what to do" is okay. Why? Because there are people who CAN help and want to. People who have been there and are ready to hold your hand while you learn a new coping skill. The weak don't hide their faults, they expose them and work on them openly. You haven't ruined your life, you can rise out of this. If you know someone who is spiraling downward, don't judge them. Please pull up alongside of them and extend a hand to help. Let them know you are prepared to help them and then follow through. Be ready for them, actually care. Before they create a victim somehow, or become one. Sometimes you can't fix a person. Sometimes all you can do is help in the small ways and when they're ready they'll come to you. Make sure they know your available. You might just save someone's life by doing so. In fact its almost inevitable, that's heroism.

With Love
Jeff Utnage 823469

If you are thinking of harming yourself or someone else, please reach out to someone. Even if you think your not valuable to anyone, your valuable to me. My contact info is under my profile.