I went to my facility chaplain in hopes to get a better relationship with him as a Christian man. I need fellowship and guidance, like most Christians I fail to be perfect. I felt it prudent to leave my expectations at the door and just be transparent and heart felt. I don't really know exactly what I expected though, a sudden change or perhaps a clarity about his position on gays. Well I got clarity all right. I had hoped that the rumors I had heard of him were false.
I knew our meeting was going south when he prayed with me. He said "God, remove any blinders...". among other things. A man with blinders on doesn't know he has them, so he must have been talking about me. That's when I knew nothing I said was going to be received. I would like to go over he entire conversation with everyone but I am still very upset by his ridiculous mentality.
He asks me if I was ever molested as a child. It just so happens I was, like many men in prison. Both straight and gay. He raised his hands in triumph. He told me that because I was molested as a kid, that mans sin was instilled in me, then I act out homosexually as a result. So I responded with "all the men you've met that are gay that responded with a yes were in prison, right?"
"yes"
"What about the people who are gay that weren't molested as kids?"
he shook his head in disagreement.
I continued "How did they become gay, what turned them? Or how about the millions of people that were molested who aren't gay, what about them?"
He responded with " You were the victim of someone else's sin and by continuing to live and accept your sin your perpetuating that cycle"
Did I just hear him correctly? Not only was he telling me that gay people were all molested and those that said they weren't were lying, now he's saying that they to will act in similar manner. Which is what? Child predators?
I stopped him right there. I had enough. I havent said the entire conversation verbatim mainly because we spoke for nearly an hour. Also my blood pressure was rising by the minute listening to his nonsense and terrible assumptions.
I have made mistakes in my life that landed me here. Ones that I take full responsibility for. Did my childhood experiences have an influence on my actions as an adult? Yes? Are they the reason, no. I made an awful decision that I wish I could take back every second of every day. The only way I know how to make up for it is to do what I can to make a difference for the better. First with me, then with other people. Best believe, I'm working on it. But to say that all gays are predators and will perpetuate such behavior is obtuse and child-like.
I think what hurt me the most about our conversation is that he said no man living in sin can love God, he was referring to me. I challenged him to show me which of the commandments I break by being gay. He responded with Love your God. As if I don't.
There was a point when everyone believed that women shouldn't speak in church and that slavery was OK. They used scripture as their backbone. Then people came to their senses and realized that God would never want that. Their understanding of the Word evolved. If their understanding of the Word evolved, why couldnt it today. What, do we think that all of a sudden we know everything there is to know about Gods Word? Absurd.
With Love
Jeff Utnage
Don't lose heart. Psalm 34:22 says "The Lord redeems the soul of servants, and none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned". If it doesn't feel like love...it ain't.
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