I got my GED when I was 16 going on 30 (1998) and it wasn't until I got my Associates that I truly felt the sting of not getting my High School Diploma. But then Washington State passed some rule, bill, law...whatever...that says anyone who has their GED and obtains their Associates qualifies to receive their High School Diploma by the college who awarded the Associates.Thank God for Edmonds Community College who on Friday October 25th, 2019 handed me my High School Diploma. It made me cry. I realized that for 20 years I thought that ship had sailed, now I get that one small "do-over" that so many of us wish for but never get to do. Momma, I'm a high school grad!With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 C-601-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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Believe what the masses believe, otherwise you'll not be accepted. I've fell into that my whole life. The media displays an opinion and calls it mass representation of public opinion, because you-can't-put-anything-on-TV-that-isn't-true. As if there is two factions fighting for American rights, right now. Actually, I think there is two factions, fighting with each other and in order to survive and continue their ridiculous feud they need us, the citizens, to choose a side. We have become mediators for the children we've allowed to represent us to the world. One side wants to end capitalism, opportunity to rise above the poverty level. Basically, anything you make above someone else then makes it unfair and then ethically wrong. The other side is desperately holding on to their right to hate. I don't like either side and when the hell did we become a country of extremists?From my point of view one side may as well start sending suicide bombers to the other because they are literally one step below ISIS or All Queda as far as media rhetoric and extremism is concerned. Forcing people to toe a line that doesn't exist until some group of extremists comes along and draws it, making it exist. Now the heart of the matter. As a trans person I'm supposed to believe certain things, feel certain ways. Embrace Liberalism, hate Republicans, support Trump impeachment and be enraged everyday he's still in office, support socialist ideals and yadda yadda yadda. But I have a brain, that's the problem with intelligence and, quite frankly, with being ostracized from a community, you get to get a better view of the melee. I don't like the idea that the financial legacy I leave for my children is going to be given to someone who spends their life in a state of victim hood, whining about how the world hates them. I don't care if Trump gets impeached or not, actually, that's not true, I care because if I get out under a Trump office the economy remains stable and I get a job, where I can support myself and contribute successfully to the community. But besides that, I don't really give a shit, I do know that I don't appreciate that my sisters are being murdered on the daily, my children are living in rat infested foster homes, and the country is literally screaming for rehabilitation reform of prisoners and opioid control...all this while our "representation" is busy slinging mud during business hours. Want to know where I really fall in?Here's a quotable: they can all piss right off.Trump gives me stability, Democrats give me the ability to exist. Pence pisses me off, mainly because he exists and I believe he's the damned anti-christ. I don't see how hand guns lend themselves to hunting or how an AK-47 should exist since its sole purpose is to hunt humans. I don't know...maybe I'm just that disconnected. Either way...With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 C-601-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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Had a blast making this quilt, by far my favorite to date! Let me know what you think!With LoveRuth Utnage
We all have a past. Some still live in it, some choose to forget it, and some use it as a weapon. Funny thing about the past, you can grow from it. Use it to be better, stop others from making the same mistakes. But, it is the past. As in, done...completed, finished, ago, was, used to be, formerly, then.With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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Typically it is easy to list things that you don't like about yourself. If I were to ask what you're ashamed of you may not tell the world (after all, shame is usually something you keep hidden, at least the act or belief it pertains) but something will probably float past your scrolling marquee of a mind. Brene Brown says "the cure for shame is empathy". This took me a minute because of what I know about shame and guilt. Check it out...Guilt is surrounding a behavior, the result of an action. Shame is a belief about yourself. Guilt is out in the open, something to be respected and inspected. Shame is something one keeps hidden, forbidden. Here's a perfect example: I am a felon (shame) -or- I committed a felony (guilt). One is an identity, the other is a behavior. Behaviors we can change, we can address them. But identities, well, not so easily, if at all.So when I heard Dr. Brene Brown say "the cure for shame is empathy" I had to really think about that. Empathy is understanding someone else's feelings, understanding what someone else is going through emotionally. So how does that 'cure' shame? After several hours of thought I went to a few friends of mine and proposed the debate. This led to a robust discussion that ended with us all agreeing that it is absolutely true because of the following reasoning: If you truly become empathic towards others, this means you are spending time with emotions. If you are spending time understanding emotions you will often see that emotions are rather normal and not defining characteristics of ones identity but a simple result of a stimulus of some kind. Since this is a certainty for almost everyone, it must be true for ourselves as well. Which, in turn, enables self-empathy. Giving yourself the same understanding that you give others. Just because someone was a bully in high school doesn't mean they always are. Just because someone isn't a Christian currently (a major identity) doesn't mean that at some point they won't be. Just because you aren't a mother of father currently doesn't mean that you won't be. Get my point? In my own circumstances I am not ashamed, I feel deep remorse, regret that I hurt someone, I feel guilt that I did it. All changeable behaviors. But I am not that action. You are not reduced to a single negative behavior either. So take some time and have a little self-empathy. Something else Brene Brown said was "it's impossible to hurt someone else if you truly love yourself". I believe in that statement, wholly. Find the things you love about yourself and don't be afraid to admit them.With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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I want everyone to know how hard it was to say goodbye to the book club! I tried to dodge it by not going and sending a message, but, as fate would have it a mistake occurred and I was forced to the book club to say my goodbye's, which was even harder than I anticipated.I love that book club, I love the college students that come in, I love our book club Dad (you know who you are!) and people just don't know how lucky we are to be part of something so amazing! I hope everyone knows that I would only quit such a group if something so incredible I couldn't pass it up came along. That something is Defy. If you want to know more, Google "Defy Ventures Washington" or search for Defy on here to hear what we think about it. Love ya'll and I cannot wait to be sitting in the seat next to other UW students in the free world! Go HUSKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm bleedin' purple and gold ya'll, woo hoo!!!!With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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I went to meet a fellow trans woman this weekend and was reminded why I don't typically go and meet new people on the prison yard. She was more worried about men than anything else. No goals, no immediate plans, nothing I can relate to. I've noticed this with many of the girls in prison, they get really caught up in flirting and attracting attention from the opposite, and sometimes the same, sex. I'm not with it. At all. I find it a waste of time and energy when our time and energy is so limited.Some of the girls wonder if I'm capable of love at all because I don't entertain dating with other inmates. I think of it as self-control, I came to prison because of lack of self-control and poor self-esteem, when you boil things down, and I think of dating other inmates as a form of self-control. First, it just gets us in trouble, second it causes drama that I just don't have time for anymore, and third (and most important to me) I haven't found a man in prison who fits the bill of a non-possessive, driven, open-minded, nice person who doesn't have eons left on his/her sentence. Nobody fits nicely into my life and I don't mind it.To be pointed, all I care about right now is getting my mind right, getting myself community ready and preparing for success in college and business and I'll be damned if some guy is gonna slow me down. "Whad'ya do today?""Who was there?""When you comin' home?""why don't you slow down and take it easy?"My answer to all of those is:"All your sh!t is in the box to the left"For the record, I'm capable of love, I just refuse to waste intimacy on deadbeats or "friends" with zero life goals or drive.But hey, maybe I'm the freak here...either way, I have zero intention on changing it, and 100% intention on shooting straight to the top. See you there...With LoveRuth UtnageSubscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR communityMail To:Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2MCC-TRUP.O. Box 888Monroe, WA 98272or email through jpay.comDOC: 823469Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
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