Spending years suppressing my sexual identity and then coming to a place where my ideal sexual partner is in an abundant supply has done a number on me. However, I have been good. I haven't whored around like you'd think I would, instead I have been selfishly improving my trouble spots so I am a better man in the end. I may be 39 when I get out, but I will be an educated, healthy and stable 39...without a doubt. Dare I say good looking??
It gets to me a little to know that I am surrounded by some of the sexiest men in the state. I'm telling you, if DOC made a calender like Chippendale's, they would supplement any funding shortages the first year!! However, I am remaining focused on getting out and helping the marginalized communities within these walls.
This doesn't change the fact that I want to be in love. I am not closed to it. I want to find someone to look past my past and see me for me. Then I want to love them and be loved back.
I want to be romantic, I want to feel twitterpatted! There may be many good looking, chiseled men in here, but I haven't met one that's available, mentally stable and most importantly...nice. Most guys in here are users and entitled. I don't want relationship if it means abuse or unhappiness. I want to shout it from the rooftops and write stories about it. I want to say "I love you" to someone that romantically loves me back not because they see some sexual object but because they actually love me...I want to be loved tonight AND in the morning.
Maybe that means I should start my dates in the morning??
With Love
Jeff Utnage
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