It hurts when someone calls me a faggot. I do not like it. But I also realize the word has become natural to some. It isn't said derogatorily. Whether that's right or wrong...?
I trans friend of mine walked into the bathroom here and someone started screaming "f*****g faggots!" then left the bathroom and proceeded to warn everyone within earshot to "be careful, the f*****g faggots in the bathroom again."
Another trans inmate heard this and asked the cop to do something about it. Which he should have done on his own. Now, word has gotten around the institution and people are mad that she "told". Here is my logic:
If they feel like someone "snitched", that means they feel it was wrong. If they feel it was wrong that means that they know calling someone a faggot is wrong.
Since they know its wrong, why in the world is it being defended? Why aren't the "protectors" doing anything about it? Should they even?
I wonder about this. I care about the LGBT community in here and feel like a Momma Bear protecting her cubs at times. I hate to see them cry. Mainly because they do not know how to manage their emotions and when this type of pain rises in them, they get insecure. When they get insecure they revert back to old habits, which are dangerous and counterproductive.
Where my true conundrum lies is why is this mentality being defended. Most of the staff here are protecting the bigot. They protect them by doing nothing. Probably because they themselves use the word and would feel hippocritical. I understand, kind of. That's like saying police shouldn't pull over speeders because they have sped. See my point?
Part of my goal here is to eliminate the prison gang dependency. I despise prison gangs and LGBT people and prison gangs equals rape, forced prostitution, and lots & lots of bruises. I hope you see why its so important to get away from that. Come to prison and learn to be a victim or learn to be a predator. Why isn't learning to correct my thinking in that equation. Why isn't anyone out there pushing. Most people cannot effect positive change within themselves if they are fighting for their life. Curl up in a ball and get kicked in the head for not performing sex, but before I do can you hand me my book? Hardly.
Protecting LGBT people is just beginning to happen in prison. But its not enough. Administration has the right idea, but lower staff hasn't bought in. This makes my environment extremely hostile. Looks like I have a lot of work to do. I could sure use some help, or hell, even a shoulder to cry on.
With Love
Jeff Utnage
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