2-16-2016

Personal Obesity

I want to talk about body image again. I hate my weight. I went to the doctor this morning for a hernia and weighed myself and found out that I am at 190 lbs...not good!

I am completely disappointed in myself and just can't believe that I am here again. I am in full on self-loathing mode!! I work-out regularly and just last week I was running 5 miles every day...how did I gain weight. I eat well, that is how. I know that my dietary habits are ruining my life and in turn I am gaining weight...how awful. I get so hungry at around 6 p.m. and there is nothing I can do about it, it's like its programmed into me and unless I gorge myself with about 1500 calories at 4:30 when we eat dinner it is very hard to abstain from eating later at night. Then in turn I can't make it to gym very often as it is and at night time is the worst because I am so tired...I guess welcome to reality Jeff.
I am going to get my butt in gear though. I lost about 120 pounds, well now about 100 pounds and I am scared about getting fat again. It's a phobia at this point. Until that scale says something better I guess I have a lot of work to do. My diet is so consistently processed foods that I try to eat as much fruit as possible...guess that isn't working out as well as I thought it would.

So starting today, I am cutting out the high fat cookies and late night eating, no more top ramen soups and no more fat boy stuff. The hunger pains at 6 I will just have to suffer through.

Wish me strength!

with love

Jeff Utnage