3-16-2016

Reinventing Yourself: Don't Be Afraid

I work with someone who used to color their hair. They would come in and there would be some new streak. Nothing intense or crazy, just a simple streak of color. As if to say "I may be here, but I have a wild side to" however, the streak of color didn't match the personality that everyone else seen. So it must've been something inside that they were expressing.
I asked them the other day why they haven't done anymore streaks of color lately. Just the natural hair color, in fact, the reason I even noticed it is because for the first time I noticed grey hair...The person simply responded, "yeah, I should recolor my hair" a little embarrased. That's when I brought up the hair streaks. The response was something that goes along with my attitude of reinvention which was "I used to streak it, but that isn't me anymore"
Why not? What happened? I didn't ask, it's not my place or business, but I think of myself and my own situation. I liked the fact that there was this unaplogetic, I don't answer to anyone and I am not afraid to reinvent myself or to evolve into better me. I like that attitude and thought process. Its one that I employ into my own life and my own situation. I cannot be defined by my past. Why, because I was not satisfied with it and nor will I be, ever.
Something that I hav thought about alot is my kids. I don't talk to them, not because I don't want to, but because I failed as a Father and the state now holds me to that standard. No second chances for me, despite how bad I want one. So I have no choice but to change. I have to change because one day they are all going to come to me and ask me what happened. I WILL be able to look them in the eye and tell them that I am sorry, that I didn't waste the time and fixed what needed to be fixed.
Lip service is in effective and non-fruitful. So I will be able to show them through my actions. I will never be satisfied with my current situation or goal. I will forever look for the next goal, the next achievement. I WILL rise above, I WILL NOT be content with being the man I was and the only way to prove that is to be something different. Like the person I work with I am unapologetic about my new self. I won't hide it, or allow anyone to shame me about my past. I do that just fine. So back off, that's my job. No one will make me feel worse that I do. But no one can bring me out of it but me either. So watch me become something. Not for my kids, but for me. Because I deserve it. But so do they.

And so do you.

With Love

Jeff Utnage 823469
H3-B-120-u
Stafford Creek Correction Center
191 Constantine Way
Aberdeen, WA 98520

How will you reinvent yourself? I want to know!