As gay men and women, actually all of us in the LGBTI community, have had some hard emotional roads to traverse. Many end up with low self esteem which can lead to all kinds of trouble: Eating disorders, dating troubles, drug and alcohol addictions. Just to name a few. This doesn't count the ones who committed serious felonies. The people around us minimize the psychological damage done by suppressing our true identities.
Some were fortunate enough to have parents that were progressive. Many of our families were behind the curve and had to overcome a lifetime of negative doctrine against homosexuality. Telling us to fix it, as if were broken. Or mothers crying at the words "I'm gay", as if she had just lost her son or daughter. Praying for God to deliver the child from satans grip of homosexuality or whatever. You get the idea. Tell that to a child who is still developing psychologically and the turmoil can be unimaginable.
I bring this up because if we don't talk about our past then we can't learn from it as effectively as trying to forget it. Which is impossible. Some things are awful to have to rehash, but, its those things that are toxic to our day to day lives.
Have you ever had an infection? Like MRSA or Sepsis or an abscess tooth? What happens? It hurts and effects your entire body. And it doesn't heal immediately. If you have an infection just below the skin it hurts like hell. Then, once the antibiotics kills it or the doctor removes it then it hurts a little less each day. But, the point is it hurts and it hurts bad. Bad enough that sometimes it seems easier to let it fester awhile longer instead of getting help. Which leads to bigger problems.
Taking the road that hard to travel sometimes is necessary to get to an easier pathway, at best.
Talking about our past can be one of the hardest and painful things to do, but it also leads to healing and peace if you do it with the right people. People who love you.
Being hurt sucks, but so does being angry.
With Love
Jeff Utnage
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